Jie Xie gets Mo Pi-ed.

January 15

Mr. Murphy, also known in these Eastern parts as Mo Pi, has a certain intrinsic ability to find me anywhere on this waterlogged planet. The day that I finally cracked the super secret Chinese Information Control Services code with my incredible Cracker Jack Brand decoder ring, and wrote everyone saying that I’d fill them in…boom, Mo Pi calls Kunpeng Airlines, Inc. who subsequently call me to inform me of that I must work. It would seem, unfairly enough, that the Chinese powers that be, in cooperative conjunction with Mo Pi, decided that my 2 ½ month Chinese couch potato stint need come to an anticlimactic close, ironically just as I was beginning to really get the hang of it. My first day of flying, in fact, I struggled hard to fight the urge to demand nap time after 2 flights.

Woe is me. Actually, its Jie Xie, my new Pinyin-ized Chinese name (pinyin is traditional written Chinese translated phonetically into roman alphabet characters so that those of us who haven’t a clue as to how to pronounce the character that looks like a house with 2 trees outside and some strange squiggly lines here and there, can actually have a fighting chance at making asses of ourselves when trying to formulate a sentence). When I Google translated my name I was of mixed emotions when I read the translation: Unfolds the woods. Quite poetic actually, especially considering that another 2 guys here I’ve met were given Chinese names which translated into “Big-bird” and “Magic Monkey Boy”. I just simply sound like the subject of a Robert Frost poem. While I do appreciate the contemplative serenity that my new nomenclature offers, I’m considering petitioning for a slight change along the lines of “Unfolds the Woods with fists of fury that are covered in the warm blood of his deceased enemies who were actually highly skilled ninjas, therefore speaking volumes for his own ability”. I’ll let you know the verdict on the name change.

So since the Mo Pi strike down I have flown nonstop and with aircraft luck that reminds me of my first day flying the jet at Mesa Airlines. I was so fresh out of training I still had the wrapper partially on. I got paired up with the most junior, least flight time First officer (nice guy however) and we were tasked to fly into the craziest airspace on earth, the NYC trifecta Cluster F#@K during a blizzard that shut New York down for almost 4 days. The airplane worked only because of the duct tape holding it together. Just kidding…or…? The climax of that tumultuous first day was the landing which as I was in the flare, the previous aircraft, who had vacated the runway at this point, noted that the braking on the runway was next to nil. Thanks for the heads up guys. We, however, landed safely-with sweaty palms-and taxied to the gate, yet the 747 who was on approach behind us, Turkish Air I believe, skidded off the side of the runway just enough for airport officials to decide it time to close down operations.

Anyway, this time around in China, after months of purging my grey matter of any and all relevant flying information, I am thrown into guess what? A blizzard, with a broken aircraft (coincidentally an ex Mesa airplane)…an aircraft type which I haven’t touched in nearly 2 years, and a Chinese speaking crew. Nee hao!
I believe my thoughts that morning when I stepped into the cockpit and upon seeing the bazillion lights and switches flashing, and the snow dumping down on the windshield, and while listening to the Mandarin chitter chatter, was along the lines of “oh, fuck me”. Yep, confidence was oozing out of my pores that morning and dripping down my brow in the 15 degree Fahrenheit temperatures.

Since that day however, things have gotten much easier, and I have remembered how to fly the CRJ, to the relief of you and my Chinese passengers, I’m sure. It has been a lesson in patience though, flying with numerous Chinese captains, who all have a completely different way of doing things, and who are all of a train of mind that my western mind just cannot completely grasp. Let’s just say the Chinese have a different way of doing things, that gets the job done, but leaves some out there scratching their heads in wonder. If I scratch any more I’ll be bald in a week.